Underneath is a comprehensive and exhaustive list of things you definitely should not do in regards to your water dispenser. It was constructed after much study and research in anthropology.
- If your water dispenser malfunctions in any way, do not under any circumstance get out your drums and decide to do a rain dance around it in an attempt to fix it. As tempting as this may be, your neighbours may not appreciate this and could call the police on you for disturbing the peace. Then again if you have cool neighbours, they might join you. If so, carry on.
- Your water dispenser is not a weapon. I don’t care how angry you are or how much vengeance you need to enact on someone. I understand how much they deserve it but you can’t go around throwing home appliances at people. Find something easier to wield.
- I don’t care how drunk you are, there is no excuse for mistaking your water dispenser for a urinal. You’re an adult, show your water dispenser some respect.
- I know that you have a tough job and you deserve to be pampered but do not decide to fill your bathtub with the water from your water dispenser. You’re not a rockstar and even if you were…it’s just weird. Tap water, just use tap water for your baths.
- Speaking of rock stars, I know when you were a kid you had dreams of being some big famous musician with your name in lights but now is not the time to re-enact this dream. Do not use your water dispenser as drums. You’ll just break it and then have to work overtime to pay for another one. How are you going to explain that one to your kids? How embarrassing.
- Do you know what else is weird? Talking to inanimate objects. I’m sorry but your water dispenser is not going to talk back to you so stop it. Buy a pet. Or call your mum.
Consider our words a friendly warning. We only take the time to inform you of the truth, despite how much it hurts because we care. If you find yourself having difficulty keeping to these rules…. maybe it’s time to quit your job, shave your head and book yourself into a Zen retreat of sorts for some deep inner reflection.
Remind yourself you are the solution to your struggles and that only you can find your own way.
It is understandable that often objects are multi-functional…. hair-brushes and wooden spoons become microphones, chairs and doonas become cubby houses and pillows become weapons. However, unfortunately, with everything, there are boundaries and lines that should not be crossed. As such, we thought it our responsibility to inform you of the 6 aforementioned lines and boundaries that we strongly advise against crossing in regards to your water dispenser, both for your safety and welfare and for those around you. If you choose to ignore our advice than we claim no responsibility to the consequences. There’s only so much anybody can do for you.